ONE
第一章
BECOMING A MAN
成长
IT IS FASCINATING FOR ME TO SIT AND LOOK BACK AT THE road I have traveled to get to where I am now--not only in my career, but in my personal life as well. What has at times felt incomprehensible or excessively difficult, today I understand as something that had to happen. All my experiences have prepared me for what was--and still is--ahead of me. At first it was a difficult concept for me to grasp, but once I was able to internalize it, I got to a point where I could live a more complete and satisfactory life because I am willing to accept that the good, the bad, and the not so great are all part of a whole. This feeling has liberated me in so many ways and given me the strength to confront everything that comes my way. It is extraordinary to think that without knowing it, from very early on, I was already building my identity, my very own story.
回望舞台上或者舞台之外的自己是一件很有意思的事情，曾经那些我认为不可理喻的充满困难的事情，现在都有他们存在的意义。我经历过的，决定着我的现在和我的未来。这并不容易，正当我完全理解之后，我意识到我生命的完整性，我接受自己生活中的好和坏，不好和不坏，一切的一切。这让我如释重负，也让我更从容的去面对今后。不知不觉，我们创造自己的生活，书写自己的故事，不是么?
GETTING STARTED
IT ALL BEGAN with a spoon.
Anybody in my family will tell you that music came into my life at a very young age. My mother's side of the family has always been musically inclined. On Sunday afternoons we would get together at my grandparents' house, and sooner or later someone would pull out a guitar and start singing. My grandfather, for example, was a poet, a good one. His rhymed improvisations were romantic and very stylized, in a way I have never heard again. My grandfather was a firm man, very conservative, and completely devoted to his family. Like most men of his generation he was very macho, but if there is one thing he taught all of us men who carry his name, it is the importance of showing respect to a woman, the beauty of admiring her, caring for her, and protecting her. He would always say to us: "A woman must be treated with the subtle delicacy that you would give to a rose petal." He was obviously a hopeless romantic, a quality that I have, without a doubt, inherited.
一切的开始
我们从那把勺子开始谈起。
家人常说音乐从小就融入了我们的生活。母亲的家族有着良好的音乐天赋，周末的下午，我们会齐聚在外公家，总会有人拿出吉他弹唱起来。我的外公是一位出色的诗人，他即兴创作的诗篇，充满着浪漫别具一格。我爷爷是一位电影人，一个传统的居家男人，那个时代的人，都有着大男人主义，但是他也教导晚辈们去尊重和欣赏，关爱和保护女性。他常说：“女人是水做的。”爷爷身上有着无药可救的浪漫，无容置疑，我继承了这一点。
From the time I was six years old, I would grab a wooden kitchen spoon and use it as a microphone to sing. I would spend hours upon hours with the spoon in my hand, interpreting my favorite songs--Menudo songs, or songs from American rock bands, such as REO Speedwagon, Journey, and Led Zeppelin, which is what my older siblings were listening to at the time. I remember many times we were all at my grandparents' house, and while everyone was sitting on the balcony getting a breath of fresh air and telling stories, I would put some music on, take hold of my "microphone," and start to sing.
在我六岁的时候，我常常抓起一把木勺当麦克风，唱着我和兄弟姐妹们都喜欢的Menudo和摇滚乐团的歌，REO Speedwagon 、Journey、Led Zeppelin之类的，一唱就是几个小时。我记得好几次在外公家，大家都在阳台上闲聊消遣，我便打开音乐，抓起的我勺子“麦克风”，开唱。
I have no doubt that back then no one ever imagined I'd end up becoming a professional artist (although I did have an uncle who always said, "When you get famous, call me and I'll come carry your luggage." To which I would very seriously reply, "Of course!" Needless to say, he hasn't come through with his end of the bargain...). I'm sure they enjoyed watching me sing and dance around the house, but I know it never occurred to any of us that one day I would be doing just that before hundreds of thousands of people.
从来没人想过我会成为一个艺人，（我舅舅常常开玩笑的说：“如果有一天你成名了，我给你拎包去”我当时会毫不犹豫的回答：“没问题”，当然这都是闹着玩。）我打赌他们都喜欢在屋子里又唱又跳的，但我清楚，没人想过我有一天会在成千上万的人面前又唱又跳。
As surprising as it may seem, the truth is that ever since I was a young boy, I have always known I was meant to be onstage. I can't say it was a conscious decision or that I woke up one day and said, "I want to be an artist." But I can say that I gradually started to realize what I really enjoy doing, and simply tried to do it as often as possible. I know it takes some people many years to figure out what they want to do with their lives, to find something that genuinely moves them, and I know it can be a difficult process. But I was lucky. For me, it was very instinctive. Although at first all I did was grab the spoon and perform for my grandparents and aunts and uncles, I enjoyed it very much. In this case, I believe it was more than a passing phase; it was something more powerful, because what started as a game ultimately turned into a passion. Slowly, I started to see that capturing other people's attention and having all those eyes on me was a rush. I loved feeling that I was entertaining them, that they were listening to me, and when I got big applause, I'd be thrilled to no end. To this very day that feeling of being onstage continues to be a source of energy and inspiration for me. Every time I find myself in front of an audience, be it twenty people or one hundred thousand, once again I feel the energy that consumed me back at the family gatherings of my youth.
也许有些难以置信，我还是个孩子，但我知道在舞台上意味着什么。我不知道是我左思右想做的决定，还是仅仅我早上起来然后就说：“我想做艺人。”但我知道，我慢慢喜欢上这样，然后便一发不可收拾。也许有些人花很久才找到自己喜欢做的，找到能给自己生活动力的事情，这并不容易。很幸运的，唱歌是我的本能。虽然最初我只是抓着勺子在外公，姨妈和舅舅面前表演，我很喜欢这个过程。这不是我一时兴起，而是植根我内心，因为这个简单的游戏最终成了我对事业的激情。渐渐地，我爱上了这种被人作为焦点关注的快感。能让家人开心，家人能听我唱歌，我很满足。我很高兴能一直这样做。直到今天，站在舞台上那种美妙的感觉还是我能够保持激情的动力。每当我站在观众面前，不管台下人多人少，我都会回想起那个时候我在家人面前一本正经表演的样子。
I am not exactly sure where my passion for being onstage comes from, but it somehow feels like I have to be in the spotlight; I want to be seen. . . . At some point during my childhood one of my cousins would produce plays--written by her--and it is there where I had my first experiences as an actor. My cousin was no older than eight or nine, but she was incredibly brilliant for her age. Apparently I liked it, because later when I was in school, each time they put on a play I was the first one to sign up. I even became an altar boy, because to me, helping the priest was like being onstage, since he was very much "the star" of the show. When I was onstage I felt complete and alive, so naturally I wanted to find that sensation at every opportunity.
其实我也说不清楚这种对舞台的热爱到底源自于什么，我不知道，但是我真的喜欢站在聚光灯下，被别人关注….儿时，我表姐常常会排演她自编的一些剧目，也正是那个时候，我过了一把当演员的瘾。我表姐不过比我大个八九岁的样子，但是她有着跟她年纪不相符的聪慧。显然我很喜欢这活儿，因为后来我上学之后，每次他们有新的排演，我总是第一个报名的。我还做过祭台助手，因为对于我来说，帮助神父跟在舞台上并无二异。如果这是一场表演，我就是那个明星。我自信满满，活力四射的站在台上，后来我也尽量不放过任何一个能表演的机会。
Every so often I think about what would have happened if I had not chosen this path. It's almost inevitable to ask yourself these questions, and it's interesting to think about what would have become of each of our lives if we hadn't turned into the people we are today. What would I be had I not become an artist? What other profession would I have chosen? Psychologist? Dentist? Lawyer? My grandmother had always hoped that I'd be a doctor, but unfortunately I could never fulfill that dream. Since the moment I realized what I wanted to do with myself, I've worked tirelessly to make that dream come true. But I always ask myself what would have become of me had I listened to my grandmother's advice, or had I taken some other path. For example, when I was eighteen, I auditioned for the Tisch School at New York University, one of the most renowned drama schools in the country. But just a few months before classes began, instead of enrolling I went to Mexico to meet some friends, and there I landed--there really is no other way of seeing it, as it was such a coincidence--in the theater.
有时候我也常想，如果当初选的不是这条路呢？我会是什么样。人们总是会这样自问，为这个问题作答也挺有意思的。如果我不做艺人，我现在应该在做什么呢？心理医生？牙医？还是律师？我外婆一直都希望我可以做医生，可是我让她失望了。我知道自己想做什么以后，便义无反顾的实现着我的梦想。但是我也问过自己，如果我听从了外婆的建议，今天我又会是什么样子。十八岁那年，我被纽约大学的Tisch学院录取----这是美国有名的戏剧学院。但就在开学的前几个月，我放弃这个入学机会去了墨西哥寻找我的朋友们，在那安定了下来，谁能想到这些，这就是巧合吧。
What would have happened if I had stayed to go to New York University? What direction would my life have taken if I had found success in acting instead of music? My path would have, without a doubt, been different. But I like to think that whether I had chosen acting, music, or dance, I would have somehow or other always chosen a path that in the end would make me feel happy and fulfilled. The truth is that what you do doesn't matter so much; what matters is that you love it and that you do it to the best of your ability.
如果我当时留在纽约大学，现在会是什么样的结果？如果当初我真的选择做一个演员而不是歌手，我现在又应该是什么样的一副光景呢？毫无疑问，肯定不是现在这个样子。但是无论我当初我做了什么，演员也好，歌手也罢，又或是去跳舞又怎样，我都会去寻找我想要的快乐。你做什么并不重要，重要的是你喜欢你现在做的，并且愿意为之全身心复出，直到你认为完美。
Passion is a vital aspect of my existence. I consider myself to be a realistic dreamer, and my life is full of intense emotions. I live and feel deeply. Some people may think it is wrong to live life so passionately, but the truth is that ever since I was a very little boy, it has been passion that has propelled me on the extraordinary trajectory that has been my life, so I see no reason to stop it. Had I not embraced my instincts at a very young age, I think I would have never gotten to where I am today. To me, part of the beauty of childhood lies in the fact that it is a time of extremes: When we are happy, the happiness is absolute, and when we are sad, the pain is devastating. Life at that age is very intense, but at the same time it is also utterly pure and genuine. As we grow up, we learn how to soothe the emotions that are too overwhelming, and though to a certain degree I've also had to grow up, I have always made an effort to stay in touch with my inner child--that passionate, energetic, and happy child who was never afraid of anything.
我对我的生活报以无限的热情。我觉得自己是一个现实的理想主义者，各种扎实的情绪充实着我。我无谓的感受生活。有人也许认为这样头脑发热并不是什么好事，不过在我还是个孩子的时候，正是这种看起来头脑发热的无畏让我走上了如今的道路，所以我为什么要让自己畏畏缩缩呢。如果小时候我没有珍惜我的天赋，我想我也许根本不会成为今天的我。对我来说，儿时的美好就在于那是一些充满各种极端的日子：快乐时，欢欣鼓舞，悲伤时，痛彻心扉。那个时候，生活那么真实，也那么纯真无邪。我们慢慢长大，也学会让自己热烈的情感变的内敛，尽管这是成长，但是我仍然希望自己不要忘记内心的那个孩子---那个热情四射的无所畏惧的孩子。
ABUELA
MY PARENTS SEPARATED when I was two years old. Needless to say I remember nothing of what was going on in my life at the time that happened, but I do know that I started spending a great deal of time with my grandparents on both my mother's and my father's sides. My grandparents played a key role in my life. I don't know if it's cultural or simply spiritual, but my relationship with them was always--and continues to be--very important to me. I will never forget what they taught me, and I will strive to pass their teaching on to my sons.
我的奶奶
我两岁的时候，父母分居了。我没有关于那个时候的任何记忆，我只知道我来回奔波在爷爷或者外公家。我的爷爷奶奶和外公外婆对我都很重要。我不知道是文化的原因还是仅仅只是亲戚关系，我们和他们的关系都一直以来都对我至关重要。我永远不会忘记他们给我的教诲，我也会将这些毫无保留的教给的我孩子们。
My paternal gra ndmother was an intelligent woman, independent and confident, a woman who was well ahead of her time. She was into metaphysics long before it became fashionable. She was also an artist; she painted and made sculptures. I remember her as always being busy, doing one of the thousands of things that interested her. She didn't understand the concept of "staying still" and always had some kind of project going on. My great-grandmother--her mother--was a teacher, so my grandmother was practically raised in a classroom, listening to her mother's lectures. She graduated from high school at fourteen, and even wrote two books and became a senior professor at the University of Puerto Rico. Remember, we are talking about a time when society dictated that most women could only aspire to be mothers or housewives. She was a surprising woman, so brave and such a visionary, that one day she decided to pack her bags and move to Boston to study education. In those times! But she moved to Boston and lived there until she graduated with a degree.
我奶奶是一个睿智的女人，自信、独立，甘当先锋。早在哲学普及之前，她就开始研究。奶奶也是一位艺术家，画画并从事雕塑艺术。我总记得她总是忙碌于自己钟爱的事情。或许她压根不知道有“暂停”这个词，她手头总是有各种各样的事情。我的曾祖母，也就是我奶奶的母亲，是一位老师，所以奶奶基本上是听着她妈妈的课程长大的。奶奶十四岁高中毕业，写过两本书，还是波多黎各大学的高级教授。要知道，那个时代女性基本就是家庭主妇。奶奶是个令人惊叹的女人，勇敢，也很有理想，后来她决定收拾行囊怨妇去波士顿学习教育学。那个时代，这完全就是疯狂的举动。但她还是移居波士顿，并在那拿到了自己的学位。
I recently had the opportunity to dine with Sonia Sotomayor, the first Latina judge of the United States Supreme Court, and when I told her about my grandmother's accomplishments, she was shocked. "A Latina woman studying in Boston in the forties? Your grandmother must have been a strong woman," she said. And I of course felt very proud, because she was right: My grandmother was definitely an incredible lady.
我最近很荣幸的能与Sonia Sotonayor共进晚餐，她是美国最高法院首位拉丁裔法官，期间我谈到了我奶奶的种种，连她也感到震惊：“一个拉丁裔女人40年代跑去波士顿求学？你奶奶真是位强人！”我自然也为她感到骄傲，Sonia说的对：我奶奶是一位让人难以置信的女人。
Although she was born in Puerto Rico, my grandmother's family was originally from Corsica. We Corsicans are famous for being stubborn, and my grandmother was no exception: She was a very strong woman who was never afraid of anything. To me, she was always an example of what it means to be strong. For example, after fifty-some years of marriage, she realized she was no longer feeling fulfilled, so one day she got up and said to my grandfather: "You know what? I want a divorce." In those days people got married for life, "until death do us part." It wasn't like today, when people get divorced for almost any reason at all. But my grandmother didn't care what other people thought or said. For whatever reason, she wasn't happy and she decided to do something about it. So my grandparents got divorced. After that, my grandfather would visit her every day, but the new domestic agreement remained, with her living in her own home, and him separately in his.
尽管奶奶出生在波多黎各，她的家人去世来自科西嘉岛，科西嘉岛人出了名的固执，我奶奶也不例外。她从来都是毫无畏惧。对我而言，强人，就是像她这样。在结婚4 50年的时候，她发现婚姻变的平淡无奇，所以有一天她起床之后对爷爷说：“你知道么？我想离婚。”那个年代，离婚是件大事。“至死不离”不像如今，人们又各种各样离婚的理由。但我奶奶完全没理会这些，不管为什么，她就是觉得不开心，所以她想做点什么。就这样，他们离婚了。在那之后，爷爷每天都会去探望她，不过离婚协议已经签了，爷爷奶奶各自分居。
My grandmother passed away more than ten years ago, after having lived a long, full life, well into her old age, and if there is anything I am grateful for, it is that she lived long enough to see and be a part of my success. Once, she even got on a plane and came to see me perform on Broadway when I was doing Les Miserables in New York. And let me tell you, she was definitely not a fan of airplanes! She once told me that she was terribly afraid of them since the day she flew back to Puerto Rico after finishing her studies in Boston. Apparently, there was some kind of electrical storm during the flight and the plane shook intensely. From that day on, she vowed she would never get on a plane again! And so it was. She only traveled by boat, that trip to New York being the one exception.
十多年前，奶奶去安然辞世。完整的生命走到尽头。如果有什么东西我该感激，那应该是我庆幸她见证了我的一部分荣耀。一次她乘飞机到纽约百老汇专程来看我演出的Les Miserables，奶奶一直都很反感搭飞机，她跟我说过，一次她从波士顿返回波多黎各的航班中，飞机经过暴风雨，雷电差点把飞机劈了，所以她对飞机没什么安全感。那个时候，她发誓他再也不坐飞机了！后来即便出远门，奶奶也是坐船。那次去纽约，是唯一一次例外。
It makes me sad to think I wasn't able to see more of her during her last few years. I was working so much, always coming or going, always running, never having enough time to do the things that really matter. I did get to see her every now and then, in passing, but never again did I have the chance to spend days or weeks at a time with her, the way I did when I was a little boy. I remember one time I went to see her accompanied by a police escort. When I arrived at her house with the security unit, I yelled: "Grandma, I'm here to see you!"
直到奶奶辞世，我都没能够一直陪伴她度过生命最后的那一段时光，这让我很难过。我总是忙忙碌碌，飞来飞去，没时间去做更重要的事情。我偶尔抽空探望她一面，然后匆忙离开，只是再也不能像以前一样有大把的时间陪伴她。我记得一次保镖陪着我探望奶奶，进门我就喊：“奶奶，我来看你了。”
"Oh, son!" she said. "How wonderful!"
“噢，孩子！”她说。“真好！”
But right away I had to clarify: "I've come to see you, Grandma, but I can't stay too long. I have to go soon." Like always, she didn't make me feel guilty about having to leave. She simply thanked me for the visit and gave me a great big hug.
但是马上我就说：“我来看看你，奶奶，但是我不能呆太久。”像往常一样，她没有因为我的匆忙而懊恼，只是简单的感谢我能看望她，给了我一个大大的拥抱。
"Okay," she said, "it was wonderful to see you. Eat, you're too skinny."
“好吧，”她说，“看到你真好，多吃点，看你瘦的。”
That was my grandmother.
这就是我的奶奶。
Another time, when I was on a trip in Puerto Rico, I had a helicopter land in her neighborhood's baseball field just to see her. It was the only way I could do it because I had no time. While en route from one side of the island to the other on a business matter, I suddenly told the pilot: "I have to see my grandmother. Land in that baseball field!"
另一次我出差到波多黎各，时间很紧，为了能看看她我让直升机降落到了奶奶邻居家的篮球场上。在我们从波多黎各一边飞往另外一边的时候，我对飞行员突然说：“我得看看我奶奶去，就降落在那个篮球场上！”
And just like that, I got to spend another moment with her.
就这样，我又难得跟奶奶相聚。
There is nothing like grandmothers. To this day her teachings continue to serve me well. Some of the sweetest memories I have of my grandmother are of the two of us sitting there, me doing my homework and her painting or working on one of her projects. I often think of her wise words and her advice and feel as though I somehow carry her inside me. It's such a blessing to be able to feel her so close.
奶奶依然是那个奶奶，直到今日，他对我的教诲依然时刻萦绕在耳畔。记忆里，最甜蜜的事儿，就是跟她坐在一起，我做我的作业，她画她的画，或者其他的什么事儿。每当我想起她睿智的话语和教诲，我都觉得她就在我身边。能感觉到她就在我身边真的很幸福
The only thing that does pain me when I think of her is that she never got to meet my children. There are so many things about her that I would have wanted them to know, and no matter how much I tell them about her, I feel that I will never be able to fully explain. For example, when I was younger, she would sing this beautiful lullaby to my cousins and me. I often close my eyes and try to remember it, but I become frustrated because I can't. I can perfectly recall the tone of her voice and the expression on her face as she sang to us, but no matter how hard I try, I simply cannot remember the lyrics or the melody of that song. I just can't. So I pray that this song will one day come back to me in a dream. I ask: "Dear God, Grandma, wherever you may be, if this is true or not, if you exist or not, if you are there or not, please remind me of that song. I want to sing it to my children."
最让我内疚的，就是我没能让奶奶看看我的孩子们。我有很多关于奶奶的事情想让我孩子们知道，可是我好想怎么都没办法完整的描述我的奶奶。小的时候，奶奶总会唱好听的摇篮曲哄我和表弟睡觉。我时常闭上眼睛回忆那个时候的场景，但是总是零零散散。我清楚的记得她的声音和她哼唱的时候的笑容，可就是记不起那些歌谣的旋律和唱词，怎么也想不起来。我有时候祈祷，梦里，我还能听到这些美妙的歌声。我想问：“亲爱的上帝，亲爱的奶奶，不管你们在哪儿，不管这是不是真的，不管你们是否存在，不管你们是不是在那，请让我想起那些歌谣，我想唱给我的孩子们听。”
It has not come yet, but I have not lost hope. I know that the afterlife exists, and that she is watching me with a great big smile on her face, because she can see that her first grandson walks through life with the same determination that she possessed, being a strong and independent man, just as she raised me to be.
我还是没能想起那段歌谣的旋律。不过我依然心怀期待。我知道还有另一个世界的存在，奶奶正在面带笑容看着我，因为她知道，他的孙子正如她当年一样，坚定自己的信念，坚信她的教诲，变的强大，变的独立。 |
发表于 2011-2-14 13:06
楼主